Dec 15, 2014


Wish lists are stupid and silly and greedy and fun...and so am I. So here it is.

1. A string of pretty lights -- because I hate overhead lighting with a fiery passion.
2. A record player -- because I've wanted one for years. (Way before the hipsters caught on! Wait, was that hipsterish of me to say?)
3. This Patrick Swayze print -- because...well, no explanation needed, really.
4. This cart -- because I've been lusting after it for over a year and I have the perfect place for it.
5. Roku 3 -- because I want to be able to watch Gilmore Girls and use my laptop at the same time.
6. This scarf-- because it's so prettyyyyy.
7. This book-- because I love Amy Poehler (and Leslie Knope) so very, very much.
8. Glass food storage containers -- because lunch is so much better when it doesn't taste like plastic.

What's on your stupid-silly-greedy-fun wish list this year?

Dec 5, 2014

O' Christmas Tree

You guyssss, how was your Thanksgiving? Mine was glorious and the food was phenomenal and the turkey was fully cooked (but not overly so) and the drinks were flowing and the whole day was just great. I'd love to show you pictures, but I was so involved in the action of the day that I didn't take any. The mark of a good time these days, right?

So now. We're here. We made it! We're in "the middle." You know, the space between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Also known as "the Holiday Season" and "the Most Wonderful Time of the Year." And I, for one, am PSYCHED. I patiently wait every year for Thanksgiving, a day I enjoy, mind you, to get the hell over with so that I can finally dig deep in the closet for the bright red totes that hold all the happy. The fake tree was up by Saturday (only because I had to work Friday or else it would have been up Thursday night!) and Sunday morning we got up bright and early to hunt down a live Christmas tree.

Fake tree
Luckily we didn't have to go far because there's a tree lot right outside of our neighborhood that had lots of lovely pines to choose from. And a cat.

Her name is Midnight even though she was born at 11:55 pm. I guess "11:55" isn't a very nice name so I won't hold it against her.

We picked out a skinny little lady and I still ended up having to remove some furniture for her to fit in the living room.

We quickly got her home and standing, then stuffed her to the gills with lights and garlands and ornaments. I enjoy themed trees, but they're just not for me. I love a tree full of old, eclectic ornaments with memories attached. 

Except for that ornament. Fuck that guy.

I named her Cecile. All she needs now is some tinsel and candy canes! 
Here's a bonus picture of Sam sleeping/making a dumb face. Love you snookiebritches!
I love getting home from work and plugging in the tree. It's like an instant dose of cozy! Aaaand I can't believe I just typed that. But I'm keeping it. Because this is Christmas! The season of perpetual hope! And I don't care if I have to get out on your runway and hitchhike. If it costs me everything I own, if I have to sell my soul to the devil himself, I am going to get home to my son.

Okay, that had nothing to do with anything, I was just feeling the Catherine O'Hara spirit. Falalalalalaaaa! 

Nov 25, 2014

4 Things

Seeing that I wrote a post titled "Five Things" yesterday, I feel it's only right that I complete this "Four Things" survey that's been making its rounds.

Four Things

Four names that people call me other than my real name:

  • Babe
  • Sissy
  • Beavus
  • Laverne

Four jobs I've had:

  • Hostess/Ice Cream Bitch
  • Sandwich Artist
  • Line Cook
  • Instructional Systems Designer

Four movies I’ve watched more than once:

  • Home Alone
  • Bloodsport
  • Con Air
  • Billy Madison

Four books I’d recommend:

  • The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova
  • The Red Tent by Anita Diamant
  • Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
  • The Paris Wife by Paula McLain

Four places I have lived:

  • Forksville, PA
  • Bloomsburg, PA
  • Cayey, Puerto Rico
  • Washington, D.C.

Four places I have been:

  • Fresno, CA
  • Columbus, OH
  • Orlando, FL
  • Charlotte Amalie, St. Thomas

Four places I’d rather be right now:

  • Narnia
  • Ireland
  • Hogwarts
  • My bed

Four things I don’t eat:

  • Crackers (and croutons...bread crumbs are on a case-by-case basis)
  • Meatloaf (and meat balls)
  • Fish sticks (any breaded and fried sea creature, really)
  • Fennel (and her equally disgusting friend, caraway)

Four of my favorite foods:

  • Pizza
  • Chiles rellenos
  • Scallops
  • Crab legs

Four TV shows that I watch:

  • Parenthood
  • Parks and Rec
  • Mike and Molly (newly obsessed!)
  • Modern Family

Four things I am looking forward to this year:

  • Thanksgiving because of the food.
  • Decorating for Christmas because of the cheer.
  • Christmas because of the family.
  • New Year's Eve even though it's a Wed night and we have zero plans.

Four things I’m always saying:

  • "Literally" (but I mean figuratively, obvi).
  • "Ow" because returning to the gym is a painful process.
  • "I'm going to kill you" because I have chihuahuas. 
  • "Never mind" because my filter runs a few seconds late. 

Nov 24, 2014

5 Things

***I joined a gym! It's actually an early Christmas gift from Sam. She's great. Anyway, they (the gym) have free shampoo! And my hair smells great! I thought you should know.

***Whenever I hear or read the word "hickey" I say "a hickey from Kenickie is like a Hallmark card" in my head. Every time.

***I've never had a coffee with foamy art designs on top. And I love coffee! What the shit? Where's all the foamy coffee hiding, DC? I'm going to Instagram the hell out of it when it finally happens.

***I'm hosting Thanksgiving in 2.5 days and I'm a little scared of the bird. Will it be dry? Will it be raw? Will it die in a puff of smoked carcass à la Christmas Vacation? Only time will tell. I bought a meat thermometer (adult moment right there), so fingers crossed.

***I'm so pumped to decorate for Christmas but I am seriously dreading getting the decorations out. We have these weird deep closet tunnels things and currently the Christmas stuff is all packed in behind the camping stuff. And we have a lot of camping stuff. Is this the sort of thing one can hire out for?

Nov 20, 2014

Currently: November

This month's Currently report is in paragraph form because I'm not feeling the list style today. 

The month is November, the year 2014. It's cold today with a high of only 34 degrees. I had to wear a coat and a hat and a scarf and gloves on my walk to the Metro this morning (edit: yesterday morning. Today was a few degrees warmer). That usually doesn't happen until sometime in late December.

I'm obsessed with Taylor Swift's new album. I'm just now starting to get sick of Shake It Off, but the rest of the songs are still the usual companion to my commute (mixed in with a little A Very She & Him Christmas...I can't help myself). I still need to buy the Foo Fighter's new album but haven't gotten around to it yet.

My pants are feeling a little tight. And these are my biggest pants. So that's where I am with that.

I've been doing rather poorly on the cooking front. I usually get a dinner in place but lunches have been purchased in the cafeteria. Good for my diet (I almost always buy salads or something equally nutritious like a sweet potato), terrible for my wallet. Breakfast, at least, is steady. Oatmeal with cinnamon everyday unless I'm lucky enough to have a banana, too.

Workouts are sporatic and painful. I got back into yoga for a bit, but it's been two weeks since I've hit the mat. I really want to join a gym. I really, really want to get into gym classes. It's scary but so are heart attacks, sooo....

I'm reading a lot of books on my phone with the Oyster app, mostly fiction, lots of silly novels. I just got Breakfast at Tiffany's in the mail, my next book club read. I'm excited to read it and the fact that it's short means I might actually be able to join in the conversation at the next meeting.

I need to get up in the mornings. I am so, so, so, so bad about waking up early. I set my alarm for 5 am daily (with the goal of working out--- very super rarely happens) but I never get out of bed before 6. I never snooze, I just reset the alarm for 10, 15, 20 minutes later. I never used to be like this. Not sure what's up.

Sam is a gem. She really is. I'm a lucky woman. And, I don't want to brag or anything, but my marriage is a good one and I have a happy heart.

What else, what else? Oh! We're hosting a couple of friends for Thanksgiving. They're cooking some stuff and I'm cooking some stuff and then we're gonna cook some stuff together and then we're gonna eat it. So excited! I have a reason to set the table. That never happens!

The end.

Nov 13, 2014

Ways In Which I Am An Asshole

There are many, but I'll just tell you two so you still like me...uh, assuming that you do.


Facebook. I log on. I check my notifications. Every now and then Facebook feels the need to announce some birthdays to me via notification. I read the names. Sometimes I wish these folks a happy birthday and sometimes I think "Who the hell is that?"

I have a lot of Facebook friends. I'm not bragging. It's just because of school and then college and then college again and I was in a lot of extracurriculars. I met a lot of people in my 20s. Now I have, like, 5 friends, but that's a post for a different day (titled Someone Please Tell Me How To Make Friends as an Adult). Some long lost friends are fun to keep tabs on just because (you know the type) but other people are basically strangers to me now. I might have known them once upon a time but neither their impact nor mine was big enough to keep an acquaintanceship going. So I unfriend them. Yeah, ON THEIR BIRTHDAY. It's like "Oh, hey, happy birthday, BYE."

I realize this likely has no effect on them whatsoever, but the fact that it's become my habit to unfriend people on their birthday just makes me feel bad. Not bad enough to stop but bad enough to tell you about it.


I love my dogs. They're adorable. They're my babies. But I also hate them. They bark all of the fucking time and they roll in shit and they piss on my stuff and they make it difficult to go on longer-than-a-day trips with my wife. I have a few pictures of them up in my cubicle and whenever people remark my response is usually something along the lines of "Yeah, they're cute. I hate them, but they're cute." And then I feel bad.

Also, I prefer big dogs. I grew up with big dogs. But life happened and I ended up with not one, not two, but three chihuahuas, the smallest breed there is! That's plenty of dogs. Too many dogs, really. So here I am all "I can't wait to have a big dog!" knowing damn well that I can't have a big dog until I no longer have my little dogs (or at least less of them) which basically sounds like I am sitting around waiting for my dogs to die. Which is terrible because I love them like children.

But I also hate them.

Nov 10, 2014

Two Years

Two years ago today I married my girl. I remember looking at her as we stood in that tiny room listening to the officiant talk about...something, I'm sure...and thinking "This is it. This is for real. This is forever."

Well, two years in and I can tell you that it's very real, this marriage thing. And I wouldn't trade it or her for the world. I feel so fortunate to have found this marvelous creature to share my life with and so grateful that she wants to share her life with me, too.

I love you so much, Sam. Thank you for being you and thank you for loving me. 

“In all the world, there is no heart for me like yours.
In all the world, there is no love for you like mine.” 
 Maya Angelou